[x]

RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

In The Daylight

In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

Honesty Written

from the

heart.

No eraser.

LonelyLonely.
Unnoticed.
People don't even look
when they walk by.
Always ignored...
Nobody even asks my ideas,
my opinion.
Nobody even knows
who I am.
When people see me,
they either ignore me,
or ask a question:
"Who are you?"
But they don't even bother
to listen to my response:
"I'm Canada."
Forgotton.
Forgotton by everyone.
Forgotton by my friends, my allies.
Maybe one day
Someone will remember my name.
Canada.

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DornenseilDu Dornenseil in
rettungslosen Zeiten
Wohltat, Stärke,
Schwäche, Schmach zugleich

Gewollt hab ich dich nie,
doch einzig du
warst immer da.

Und immer noch
komm ich
von dir
nicht los.

(8.11.12)

VerfallIch suche nicht nach Gründen
ich stutz die scheuen Flügel
und falle aus der Pflicht

Verfall den alten Sünden
schau nicht mehr in den Spiegel
schau dir nicht ins Gesicht

In mir sollst du nichts finden
im Schutz der blanken Riegel
bleibt dir nur das Gerücht

NaturgedichteIn jedem Herbst gilt wieder die Marotte,
dass jedermann ein Herbstgedicht sich bau.
Der Zuckmayer erwähnte schon im Spotte
"der reinen Wolken unverhofftes Blau".

Auch dass die Blätter, die vom Baume fallen,
die Farben wechseln, gilt es zu erwähnen,
dass Sturm und Regen auf uns niederprallen
und sich die Menschen nach dem Frühling sehnen.

Naturgedichte sind so alte Hüte
und dennoch - jedes Jahr zur selben Zeit -
erleben sie in Reimform ihre Blüte.

Ich bin dieses Naturgesülzes müde
und werd in dieser Angelegenheit
nun - ebenfalls in Reimform - einmal rüde!

EinerleiEinmal schon hab ich geschrieben:
Irrend durch das eine Leben.
Nichts von Sinn ist mir geblieben.
Etwas hat mich aufgegeben.

Ruhe hoffte ich zu finden,
Leere hab ich nicht gewollt.
Etwas sucht sich loszuwinden,
irrt nun weiter - unverzollt.

Klagelied des maessigen PoetenKlagelied des mäßigen Poeten

Im Schweiß gebadet ist mein Angesicht
von innig und so heiß gefühlten Schmerzen.
Ich schrieb dieses besondere Gedicht
im Rotweinrausch, im Schein geweihter Kerzen.

Kann doch ein Werk von solcher Herzensinbrunst
beileibe nicht ganz ungelesen bleiben!
Ein hehrer Ausdruck ernster Leb- und Schreibkunst
muss jedem Tränen in die Augen treiben!

Für mein Gedicht, nein - meine Partitur -
Erhoff ich mir viel Lob und manch Erstaunen
Die Geistesgrößen hoher Lit'ratur
Hör ich im Traum vom „neuen Stern" schon raunen

Ein Lyrikboard such ich mir für den Eins

Klagelied des KritikusWas wagt sich nur in diese heil'gen Hallen
der ein und andre Möchtegern-Poet,
der fest zu seinem Sülzgeschwafel steht
und meint, es müsste anderen gefallen?

Der Klang der Verse ist mir solch ein Grauen!
Vom seichten Inhalt einmal abgesehn,
es muss doch das Gerüst zumindest stehn!
Man kann doch nicht auf Sumpf und Wasser bauen!

Dann kommen sie auch noch, sich zu beklagen,
wenn ich mir so viel Mühe geb zu richten
mit meiner Gabe göttlichen Genies.

Wie können diese Tölpel sowas wagen?
Solch holde Kunst nur dürftig zu verrichten
und MICH nicht zu verehren, überdies!

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Hinter den Duenen

by ~maradeux, Nov 28, 2012, 5:21:57 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Hinter den Dünen

Den Mut zum Anfang wagen...
Am steilen Hang voll Dornen
den ersten Schritt zu gehn.
Ich bin noch nicht bereit,

die Zweifel zu ertragen.
Im Gegenwind der Akrasie
den Unmut zu verstehn.
Ich brauch noch etwas Zeit,

nicht nach dem Preis zu fragen,
den Weg als Ziel zu sehn.
Das Meer hinter den Dünen,
ich wünsche es mir weit.

Hinter den Duenenby ~maradeux

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Dieses Gedicht hat einen sehr ungewöhnlichen Entstehungsprozess hinter sich. Die letzten zwei Verse spuken schon seit dem Sommer in meinem Kopf herum... Und anscheinend bin ich gerade in meiner "Dornenlieder"-Phase.

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Hinter den Duenen

Hinter den Duenenby ~maradeux

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